An Account of New Years Eve.

New Years Eve...

like all the other drinking holidays, it is a night for all you amateur drunks to come out and really let all those demons you got inside of you go free with minimal consequence.

Rest assured, it was indeed a privilege to cart your inebriated butts around all night.

Since I'm sure you all don't remember, here's what happened:

8:08 Chinese Restraunt - Downtown Bar (local)
- twenty something girl who was already completely wasted, accompanied by dirty old man who informed me he had plans for her, upon hearing me say that that was kind of messed up, he proclaims that he is, "just a man." Whatever the hell that means. I have heard this expression used for the worst kind of human behavior and I've gotten sick of it. Dollar tip.
8:24 Residence - Downtown Bar (local)
- Large group, semi-loud. Very Friendly. Five Dollar Tip.
9:00 Apartment Building - Downtown Bar (sports)
- Large group, all young women. Standoffish at first, then friendly. Three Dollar Tip.
9:23 Country Residence - Downtown Bar (upscale)
- Father-Son outing. Enjoy Frank Sinatra on the radio, talkative. Two Dollar Tip.
9:30 Hotel - Downtown Bar (hipster)
-large group of young men who claim that there was nothing to do in the Twin Cities, so they came an hour out of town across the state border, probably underage. Two Dollar Tip.
10:00 Apartment - Downtown Bar (local)
- After I spent twenty minutes looking around for a nonexistent address, gentleman calls to complain that I am twenty minutes late, finds out that he made an error, gives correct address. Upon entering vehicle (finally) is upset that his ride is late, despite the fact that he gave the wrong address. During the ride, he asks why there is no meter and finds out that since the cab company is run by the city, it is a flat rate of $2.75 per person. "Well since you're a city employee, and my tax dollars pay for your wage, I'm not going to tip you." Screw you pal. It's not like a get paid well, or get health care, or dental, or any pleasure from looking for nonexistent addresses cause you're either to stupid or lazy to find out just where the hell you are. No Tip.
10:15 Downtown Bar (local) - Trailer Court
- Regular drunk who got a DUI in August. Informs me that he's giving up drinking, and plans to open up his own private taxi service and that I should come work for him. Almost forgets case of beer in cab. Dollar Tip.
10:22 Downtown Bar (local) - Apartment Building
- Regular rider going home who is happy to have gotten a New Year's Hat (you know, the ones
with the rubber bands.) Twenty-five Cent Tip. (In her defence, she rides with us almost everyday, and always gives a twenty-five cent tip. I appreciate the consistency.)
10:46 Gas Station - College
- Stopped for coffee and was asked for a ride...figured "why not." I learned why not when he puked in the bucket I had strategically placed between the seats. Twenty-five Cent Tip. (PRICK!!!)
11:21 Hotel - Downtown Bar (Sports)
- Guy spending the night in town to visit girlfriend who had to work that night. Two Dollar Tip.
11:34 Residence - Hotel
- Very drunk young woman and very sober young guy taking care of her. While I wouldn't classify it as "puking," she too used the bucket. (Almost couldn't breath for a minute there.) Two Dollar Tip.
12:00 Make my way home to kiss a beautiful woman and bring in the new year right for the first time in my life.
12:10 High School - Apartment
- Regular who is confined to a wheel chair. Good to see a familiar face. Almost get stuck in his back parking lot due to snow accumulation. No Tip. (None Expected.)
12:30 Downtown Bar (hipster) - Residence
- same place as 8:24. Girlfriend had had too much to drink and boyfriend was seeing her home. Boyfriend insists that I take him back after he goes inside to pee. Says that he already has two out of three of his buddies all but laid for the night and is going back to work for the third. cont.
12:36 Residence - Downtown Bar (hipster)
- take the proxy-Casanova back, wish him luck. Five Dollar Tip.
12:49 Main Street - Downtown Bar (upscale)
- two guys flag me down...will be seeing them again. Dollar Tip.
12:59 Downtown Bar (hipster) - Apartment
- Some of the women who I took out at 9:00. Complain of being groped. I apologize on behalf of all men even though I have never groped anyone without permission. Five Dollar Tip.
1:18 Downtown Bar (Dance Club) - Motel
- Get the "wait one minute" finger for about ten minutes only t0 watch this young guy drag a very drunk young woman out from the bar and put her in the back. I wait for him to get in as he closes the door and comes up to my window brandishing a ten dollar bill. Tells me that the room they are staying is open and asks me to make sure that this girl who has just passed out in the back of my taxi gets inside. I tell him that maybe he should take her back and I could bring him back to the club, but he insists on staying, saying that he trusts me not to do anything to her.

Dude, I know that you aren't reading this, but I still have to say that you are a very bad friend, and if I was a couple of rungs down the morality ladder this girl could have been in serious danger, not to mention I could have stole all the booze you had laying about in your open motel room. Maybe I'm being uptight, but...whatever. I took her to the room sat her down on the bed and left.

People scare me sometimes.

Seven Dollar and Twenty-Five Cent Tip.
1:30 Downtown Bar (Dance Club) - Residence
- Large group, very drunk, very loud. Get concerned when I take a wrong turn and add three minutes to their trip. Thankful when I get them home. Girl who was in passenger seat falls on her butt in snow covered driveway and starts weeping. I get out to see if she is OK, friend who is consoling her say it's alright and I leave them to weep and comfort in their snowy driveway.
Five Dollar Tip.
1:50 Downtown Bar (local) - Residence
- It's the guys from 12:49. The whole ride back, the younger guy is on the phone with someone who appears to be very irritated. Gives the phone to me and asks me to tell his mother (!!!) that I am a cab driver and that I am taking him home. His mother is very drunk and starts yelling at me that her son shouldn't be out. I hang up.

Sometimes I hate people from Wisconsin.

No Tip.
2:13 Downtown Bar (local) - Hotel
- I was starting to get tired at this point and honestly don't remember a thing about it. Possible Tip.
2:31 Downtown Bar (sports) - Apartment
- a surprising lack of calls makes me park in front of the bar with the most people. A fella stumbles out and in a huff a yells incomprehensibly at the people who are cheering that he just got thrown out. He falls on the sidewalk and I help him up. He says he has no money. I take him home anyway.
No Tip.
2:43 Downtown Bar (local) - Hotel
- my mood was starting to wear a bit thin, but these people, although drunk, were in good spirits and enjoyed some of my lewder stories about driving cab. Good peeps. Five Dollar Tip.
3:05 Residence - Residence
- get the "just a minute" finger again for about five minutes (I was supposed to be off at 3:00) and get the a cab full of the most uppity little rich kids I've ever heard speak. One girl actually complained about how cold her toes were from the snow. Maybe it's just me, but I would reconsider the sandals if I were going out on a frosty January evening in Wisconsin.
3:15 Downtown Bar (local) - Country Residence
- Appreciative drunks who are glad to get a safe ride home and say that they appreciate me working on New Years Eve Night. Five Dollar Tip and Many Thank Yous.

Your Welcome. Happy New Year.