"I'm a college graduate. I told them that I don't work for less than fourty dollars and hour."
-The Crazy Fox (So named because 1. The guy is the worst kind of crazy, and 2. fox is the name of the trailer court I pick him up at.)
"There's a hundered and two year old woman in there who's frisky as hell."
-Cassanova-90 (So named because...well...he's ninety. It should be noted that I picked him up going home from the (wait for it) HOSPITAL.)
Monday, January 29, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Today's programming brought to you by the letter 'R'
I have found myself astounded by the versatility of language recently. Particularly in speeling and regional accents.
I'll give you an example:
It amazes me how, despite excepted spelling, certain letters can be dropped or added to spoken words. Speak these two words aloud:
1. Library.
2. Wash.
OK...very good. Now that's the correct spelling. (I spell checked, just to be sure.)
When you spoke, if either of the words sounded like this:
1. Libary.
2. Warsh.
YOU ARE WRONG.
Please fix yourself.
I'll give you an example:
It amazes me how, despite excepted spelling, certain letters can be dropped or added to spoken words. Speak these two words aloud:
1. Library.
2. Wash.
OK...very good. Now that's the correct spelling. (I spell checked, just to be sure.)
When you spoke, if either of the words sounded like this:
1. Libary.
2. Warsh.
YOU ARE WRONG.
Please fix yourself.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
MAKEUP is to FACE as...
Maybe it's because I'm hypersensetive to bumperstickers since my little scavenger hunt on Sunday, but I seem to see them a whole lot more than I did before.
Like today I saw one that read:
MARY KAY: ENRICHING WOMEN'S LIVES
Maybe it's just me, but the only thought that went through my head for almost a half hour was,
"Enriching women's lives like farmers enrich fields with fertilizer."
...and now, thinking about it, just like too much fertilizer on a field makes it toxic rather than enriched...well, you figure the rest out for yourself.
Like today I saw one that read:
MARY KAY: ENRICHING WOMEN'S LIVES
Maybe it's just me, but the only thought that went through my head for almost a half hour was,
"Enriching women's lives like farmers enrich fields with fertilizer."
...and now, thinking about it, just like too much fertilizer on a field makes it toxic rather than enriched...well, you figure the rest out for yourself.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Lipservice Wisconsin ( A photo essay.)
I came out of work one day to see that one of my coworkers had on his dashboard two figurines. One was of Stuey, the malevolent little turd from the TV show, "The Family Guy," and the other was of Uncle Sam. Both were pointing in the same general direction and it made me wonder if the car owner quite got the nature of satire that Stuey was based upon. (Not that I know anything about satire, but come on...the two together? Not quite what I would think of when I would think of someone with a little bit of perspective. Unless the car owner was being IRONIC...in which case...they should be shot.)
Regardless, it made me think of car decoration and bumper stickers and air fresheners and all the little ways we try to give personality to our vehicles.
So...on a boring Sunday morning shift, in between taking old ladies to church and lecherous young adults back to their OWN homes, I decided to go on a little scavenger hunt.
89 miles, 5 hours, 3 Mountain Dews, and countless pieces of gum later:
I love that...On a MAZDA. It's like saying, "SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! BUT SCREW OUR AUTOWORKERS!!!"
Jesus is coming back, and he's driving a HONDA.
You know...I hate to think that this has actually happened, but I would lay money down that this guy has gotten some tail out of this sticker
Funny...I saw the owner of this truck walk into a GAY bar. Naaaawww....just kidding.
It's like Jesus is 'winking' at you.
hmmmmmm...
I like that, actually. Don't know if this is the point that is supposed to be taken away, but I've never responded well to the whole "born again" ideal. Someone who has taken a completely abrupt, 180 degree turn in lifestyle telling me that I'm not leading my life right. Ex-crackheads don't make good authoritarians.
Weird that people always put those things right next to the gas tank...
OK...so forgive me.
I wish it were that easy...I'd LOVE for it to be that easy. We'll see. (...and I'd bet that it takes more than 100 hours to find out.)
I need one of my Catholic friends to tell me who the patron saint of lost causes is so that I can give this guy an idea for a personalized license plate.
Trying not to editorialize here, but I gotta say this: 1. The dog comment sounds a lot funnier in your head than it does to the rest of us. 2. The nose ring and spikey hair doesn't piss off anybody. It gives everbody a common cause in wishing you would shut the hell up...thanks for doing you part in bringing us all together.
I was planning to make all this into a really snarky remark about hypocrasy and the things that we do to try and make our lifestyle platforms have more merit, particullarly revolving around the War in Iraq; and ask what exactly patriotism is.
I would be doing that right now, except for the fact that the other night I saw a yellow ribbon sticker with the phrase, "Keep them safe." In the end we all want the same thing when it comes to the War, we just have differant ideas about the best way to get a good end result. So I'll save the snarky comments for another time.
However, I would like just like to point out that all these pictures were taken within five hours. In these pictures you will find 88 instinces of either an American flag or a yellow ribbon. That's roughly 34 dead combat veterans for every sticker that claims to support the soldiers as of January 16, 2007.
Regardless, it made me think of car decoration and bumper stickers and air fresheners and all the little ways we try to give personality to our vehicles.
So...on a boring Sunday morning shift, in between taking old ladies to church and lecherous young adults back to their OWN homes, I decided to go on a little scavenger hunt.
89 miles, 5 hours, 3 Mountain Dews, and countless pieces of gum later:
I love that...On a MAZDA. It's like saying, "SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! BUT SCREW OUR AUTOWORKERS!!!"
Jesus is coming back, and he's driving a HONDA.
You know...I hate to think that this has actually happened, but I would lay money down that this guy has gotten some tail out of this sticker
Funny...I saw the owner of this truck walk into a GAY bar. Naaaawww....just kidding.
It's like Jesus is 'winking' at you.
hmmmmmm...
Heh...sometimes you just gotta shake your head and close your eyes.
You know, looking at the last four pictures...sometimes you have to wonder whats more annoying, the person or the person's persona.
Not to be condescending...but making something rhyme doesn't necessarily make your point carry more weight.
Yes...the tire is flat. Input metaphor here.
I like that, actually. Don't know if this is the point that is supposed to be taken away, but I've never responded well to the whole "born again" ideal. Someone who has taken a completely abrupt, 180 degree turn in lifestyle telling me that I'm not leading my life right. Ex-crackheads don't make good authoritarians.
Weird that people always put those things right next to the gas tank...
OK...so forgive me.
If you can't tell what this is...let me fill you in. The ORIGINAL sitcker reads "W '04" and has a little american flag. It has been covered by another sticker saying, "I -heart- the OC." Either this is the best act of grafitti, or someones way of supporting ongoing education.
Equal rights? Yes. Equal sense? Prove it and stop trying anger me into running you over...
Why yes, I DID find this vehicle at a Soroity house. How did you know?
Equal rights? Yes. Equal sense? Prove it and stop trying anger me into running you over...
Why yes, I DID find this vehicle at a Soroity house. How did you know?
I wish it were that easy...I'd LOVE for it to be that easy. We'll see. (...and I'd bet that it takes more than 100 hours to find out.)
I need one of my Catholic friends to tell me who the patron saint of lost causes is so that I can give this guy an idea for a personalized license plate.
Trying not to editorialize here, but I gotta say this: 1. The dog comment sounds a lot funnier in your head than it does to the rest of us. 2. The nose ring and spikey hair doesn't piss off anybody. It gives everbody a common cause in wishing you would shut the hell up...thanks for doing you part in bringing us all together.
Strange that at one time bikers were considered counter-culture, and are now just grown up frat boys who glorify a kind of annual redneck Las Vegas in South Dakota...
...and apparently they are so badass that they drive Toyota Corollas.
I was planning to make all this into a really snarky remark about hypocrasy and the things that we do to try and make our lifestyle platforms have more merit, particullarly revolving around the War in Iraq; and ask what exactly patriotism is.
I would be doing that right now, except for the fact that the other night I saw a yellow ribbon sticker with the phrase, "Keep them safe." In the end we all want the same thing when it comes to the War, we just have differant ideas about the best way to get a good end result. So I'll save the snarky comments for another time.
However, I would like just like to point out that all these pictures were taken within five hours. In these pictures you will find 88 instinces of either an American flag or a yellow ribbon. That's roughly 34 dead combat veterans for every sticker that claims to support the soldiers as of January 16, 2007.
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