50-50

"One can either be adaptable or driven, generally not both. The people who are, are usually better off than most."
-Wheelchair M.

Sitting in his wheelchair with his legs crossed like some kind of shaman of the disabled, Wheelchair M. spits some of the most astute observations I've heard in a long time. He even focused his attention on me when we started talking about hobbies and about how one has to keep their mind occupied, or lose it.

He maintained that that's what crossword puzzles are for. I told him that even though I'm not the dullest crayon in the box, I officially suck at crossword puzzles. To this he observed that I'm probably quite terrible at Chess. This is correct and I asked him how he figured that. "Tunnel-vision. You see the best answer or move that occurs to you immediately and act on it, shutting out other possible avenues."

Spot on. I've been made by a guy hitching a ride to a bar to play magic cards.

Other than Wheelchair M, my cab was habitated with various other residents of this small bedroom community tonight. The woman with the sweet leather jacket with REALLY long fringes that paid me in dimes; the elementary ed major who complained about an argument she got into with an eight year old; the elderly stroke victim, Wheelchair C, who actually used his cane today to go get some acupuncture.

The last run of the night was the most interesting though. Student A. missed his regular ride home, and was able to finagle the dispatcher to bend the rules a bit...we should have been closing, locking up, and going home; but what are you going to do, you know? It's cold out there.

On the way, Student A. and me exchange military stories. He was in the Army something like ten years ago, stationed in Bosnia. He asked how I was adjusting to civilian life. To which I told him that everything is going as well as it possible could be. Which is entirely true.

I could tell, in the corner of my eye, that he was sizing me up. I asked him, "What?" He started in on how it took him a long time to really adjust to being a civilian. About how he had come up with the notion that you have to come up with at least a 50-50 percentile of the good things you look back on as well as the bad. He said that until he could do that, he carried around a bitterness that came out in weird ways and at weird times, directed at those he was closest to.

"It doesn't matter what you did or where you were stationed, the whole 'I own you' mentality, and having to listen to stupid people and having them make you do meaningless crap is enough to really look back at the whole experience with bitterness. Not because of what you had to do, but because of what normal people didn't."

"I was going around holding onto all this BS about how I had to do all this stuff when no one I knew had to go through any of it."
-Student A.

Not the most eloquent sentence I have ever heard, but in a strange way I knew exactly what he was talking about, and can relate it to my own life and feelings.

With that knowledge, will I be able to let go of my own bitterness? Who knows...but hearing a complete stranger talk about portions of my own thoughts has certainly given me something to think about. Will I be able to learn what he was teaching me? If I were a betting man, I'd say that the chances are 50-50.

...and lastly, I don't care how big your truck is, dude. Glass-packs are NOT COOL.